THE TRUE STORY OF THAT BENIGN GIRL

THE IMAGINARY CULT
OF BENIGN GIRL

For gentler, less injurious living

627_benigngirl

Shopping in Holyoke on Saturday for a birthday present for Mr. Bill I had a crazy and surreal experience. I went looking for the religious artifacts store but in its place was a “for rent” sign and an empty window. Dejected, I drove around Holyoke hoping to find another religious artifacts store but had to settle for the “Plus Dollar” store on High Street.

I was standing near the register looking at the assorted things when all of a sudden I spotted “Benign Girl” and suddenly I heard the mermaids singing. Two Latina women were looking at Benign Girl and reaching forward as if to grab it and in a flash I knew this was something extremely precious and rare and that I needed to act fast!

So I reached around the women and snatched BG. And before they knew what happened I had paid and fled the scene, adrenalining all the way.On the side of the package were the bullet points:

*BATTERY
*OPERATED
*CREATIVE
*VARIOUS MUSIC

The instructions on the package:
“Beautiful girl, press any button!”

Complete with pirated Barbie likeness and logo style were the enigmatic words, “Benign Girl”. What a find.

Before I came to my senses I had actually handed over Benign Girl as a birthday gift and I knew immediately by Billy’s reaction that I had been right about Benign Girl which he now keeps in a sealed plastic bag. BG made the rounds of The Smith Museum of Art Monday (like a little kid who can’t wait for show and tell was this birthday boy) and she made such an impression that her image is burned into the minds of all who have beheld her and the halls resonate with her aura. I hear Acquisitions is salivating over BG.

Intrigued and a bit obsessed, (Why “Benign”? What Chinese characters did they type into the free babelfish Chinese-English translation tool to come up with “Benign”? “Shy”? “Gentle”? “Non-malignant”? What made this accidental genius think using “Benign” would make this a hot item here?) So I googled Benign Girl and found a blog with the following posts:

Spotted by F near the bus station in Siracusa, Sicily.

yep, i found a benign girl retailer in the town of jiou-fen in taiwan.
Posted by: margaret at July 12, 2005 12:47 AM

I found Benign Girl in a Boy Howdy in McAlester, OK. Go figure.
Posted by: Jai at November 15, 2005 11:26 PM

in Frankfurt, Germany. She freaked me out
Posted by: Ap at January 31, 2006 06:00 PM

I saw the same package in Silver Spring, MD! Malign Girl gets around!
Posted by: Marie at April 14, 2006 03:55 PM

And now my post is at the bottom of the list. I have joined the imaginary cult of Benign Girl (because I *am* imagining myself in a cult of BG at this point) and am a different person for this experience. I have not stopped thinking about Benign Girl since that moment when the earth swayed. I went back to the store today and it was as if she never existed. I think I dreamed the whole thing and I fear I will never find another Benign Girl. But, since Uranus is retrograde I expect the unexpected.

7 Responses to “THE TRUE STORY OF THAT BENIGN GIRL”

  1. I found a Benign Girl cell phone at my neighborhood pool. A woman said she found it on the ground & gave it to my daughter. Bahahah.

  2. nice, I have one of these.

  3. funny caption for benign girl phot: “Worried about lead in your fine Chinese made toys? Well, “Benign Girl” is the toy cell phone for you!”

  4. I just found both the cell phone and the desk top phone at Jack’s Dollar Store on 32nd Street in Manhattan. Thought I was the only one in the world who had seen it before. Very very strange…..

  5. We had two of these bought in Sydney Australia. It had a barking dog and various rings and a little song. I laughed out loud at the name.

  6. I used to have those cellphone since I was like 10. It has various sounds, which made me laughed. The first voice was a phone ring another was an Engrish voice of a female. Another was a dog bark and (spoilers) a short repeated tune of Smile. Dk’s “Butterfly”. It was funny when it sounded like cannons when it ran out of battery.

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