seamonkeyoldfood11.jpgInstead of making New Years Resolutions, I want to give thanks for Sea Monkeys. To me Sea Monkeys are symbolic of crazy ideas, enduring dreams and whimsicality and imagination gone wild. One of my other favorite crazy ideas is Extreme Ironing which my friend Amy suggested I post about today but I replied that I had already posted about that, to which she replied,

this is tragic.

i have sadly come to realize that my dear friend, ragdoll physics (seems to) have been driven to extinction with the advent of today’s next-gen systems and motion capture technology.

gone are the days of shotgun somersaults and explosion pirouettes. gone are the days of melee belly flops.

how can i be expected to be passionate about a world that doesn’t even allow me to send an enemy bouncing irreverently across a canyon, or throw my skater in front of a bus to to launch him across the world for maximum distance?


what a waste of surreality.

This gives me an idea; I will interview Amy about Sea Monkeys and post that interview here. Hold on, I’ll be right back…


This is a surreptitious interview. Please answer all questions honestly and do not cheat.

i take this with EXTREME serioucity.
mmm hmmm.

how do you think sea monkeys have changed society?

how would you rate the importance of sea monkeys in history?

do you think kids who had sea monkeys as a child were more or less likely to experiment with drugs?
less likely to “experiment”, more likely to outright binge..

if sea monkeys were elected president what do you think would be the impact on society?

if you were a sea monkey, what would be your new years resolutions?
2, 16, 22, 27, 38, 44

how would you feel if you were a sea monkey?

and in your estimation (since you were there), do you think the elevator dj story is an accurate portrayal of events?

absolutely. (if by accurate you mean slightly more awesome but still very correct) however, im pretty sure there was one instance of loveshack being played as well, which appears to have been omitted.

any random sea monkey observations you’d like to share?

sometimes sea monkeys sing tiny, pitch perfect, 80’s music karaoke. humans often misinterpret this as static in their cellphones.

thank you for your time.


  1. Mo, it’s nice to hear of sea monkeys again. They have been out of the lime light for so long.

    I feed sea monkeys to my guppies on a regular basis. I have a whole jar of eggs (looks like powder) in my fridge as we speak. No joke. Here in Rochester hatching brine shrimp is known as a damn good time. :0

  2. ‘Splain the significance of the numbers

    Yours truly,
    Suppressed Recipient

  3. I didn’t choose the numbers. Amy was a real interviewee and those are her verbatim responses to my questions. She is the Amy who was the punkassbitch assistant as she appears in the hotel balcony story and she was the actual dj voice in that whole elevator dj story. It all happened exactly like that. If anything I downplay the amount of mayhem and/or alcohol involved. And I definitely downplay the stern discussions with my boss about my actions.

    The funny thing is that people always think I am embellishing but the fact is that all those stories are true and I actually leave out some of the most fantastic or embarrassing parts. On another trip to the miami office I brought Amy and we again stayed at the exclusive and snooty Doral and we cajoled the guy in the golfcart who delivers guests and their luggage to their rooms to take us on a midnight tour after a few glasses of wine (I never told my boss about this. I didn’t feel the need since we didn’t get caught). He drove us all over the grounds in a careening wild ride and showed us the mini mansions out back and he almost got in trouble for it when another security-piloted golf cart dude stopped us and asked why he was driving two chicks around the ground sans luggage. Then we schemed to ineptly use the hotel driving range the next day thinking it’d be hilarious; me with my pink suede capris and donald pliner slides and Amy with myriad tattoos and piercings but when we got to the range there was a wait and we had to be in meetings in a few hours.

    On the first trip, the balcony one, my boss and another manager sat on my balcony one night and room-serviced the night away, ordering bottles of wine and hors d’oeuvre on linened carts and laughing till the tab hit home. Back in the Boston office Ann looked at my expense report and that night was such a huge tab that she said she couldn’t sign off on it. So Joy, the other manager, had to intercede and say, “but you were there Ann and you partook too” so she had to sign it. I miss those days.

  4. sea monkies! arrrggghhhhh!! watch them come to life and….take over the world!! long, long ago when these strange and seemingly alien creatures first made their appearance on the back pages of my favorite comics i became convinced they would prove to be the downfall of western civilization (to use the term loosely). i even wrote a piece for publication, hoping to stem the tide of their alien invasion. talk about invasive species! the tome in question has somehow been mislaid and, sadly, sea monkies turn out to be something relatively mundane, like brine shrimp or something. so much for THAT end of the world.

  5. never has a more true truth been blogged in the history of blogs about sea monkies. hooray!

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