Mosely Mo & Rachel Ray, BFF

Best Friends Forever!


A funny thing happened on the way to the Open Square reception last week.
Just as I was leaving the phone rang. It was Paul. Paul works for the Rachel Ray Show. Pat, who with her husband Roy had popped in at my reception in Provincetown a few weeks back and then had invited Maureen and I to a seafood luau on the beach complete with bonfire the next evening, had emailed the show thinking that Rachel Ray’s set needed a fridgequeen fridge to make it really cool. Nice thinking!
So Paul asked me to send some pictures of myself and my fridges and samples of my radio show (Wednesday mornings from 8-9 AM on Valley Free Radio, WXOJ-LP 103.3 FM) and other useful information. So I agreed to do so and went off to the reception and, uncharacteristically for me, did not mention a word about the phone call to anyone. Okay–one person but that was IT.

But then I thought about it and it hit me that they wanted this stuff because they were considering having me on the show and I got really nervous. There aren’t even pictures of me on my website except the one of me hiding, sitting inside a fridge wearing my double cartridge chemical respirator. I don’t like pictures of me. TV involves cameras.

3 days later Meredith called. Meredith works for the Rachel Ray show. Meredith was high energy. Meredith asked me about me and my fridges and other appliances. I guess my narrative lacked that certain Je Ne Sais Wow! because partway through she cut in and said, “Okay! Thanks so much! We’ll keep you in mind! Just in case, you know, we do a show like that, you know, something… crafty-like. Thanks!!”

And so there will be no “Mosely Mo (Mo is short for Mosely Josely which is what I was called growing up) and Rachel Ray show”.

But in the interim I *did* think about what it would be like to be on the show, IF they would refrain from calling my sculptures *craft*…

I didn’t see myself on her couch on the set in NYC with a room at a fancy hotel with a doorman, but rather sitting in my special garden along the canal where I make plaids and we’d be all bundled up because it’s getting cold and maybe we’d have a bonfire. And we’d chat about art and appliances and, just like my hero Polly in, “I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing”, I would make the most astoundingly brilliant comments about life and art and the Theory of Relativity and then all my friends would nonchalantly drop by, conveniently wearing their art as sandwhich boards or sculptures as hats. It’d be just like Pee Wee’s Playhouse and everyone would get on TV! There’d be no end to the parade of artists with art in hand and I’d introduce them all to Rachel Ray.

I’d say, “Amy “Bannerqueen” Johnquest! What are you doing here? Gosh! Your “Resurrection Boy” banner looks fabulous as a dashieki! Rachel, did you know Amy and I are showing at the NCA next month? Do come!” And RR (we’d be BFFs by now) would be so chagrined that she couldn’t make the reception with rumored accordion player and wine and cheese but she’d buy everyone’s art because she’s a big, rich TV star! And then that song, “Love is in the air” would come on and we’d all laugh and dance around the garden in the setting sun and get parting gifts like Swarovsky Crystal-encrusted Blackberries and Harry Winston diamond friendship rings and gilded sushi.

So you can see why I’ll never be on the Rachel Ray show. But my version of events was fun while it lasted.

Pictured: Rachel Ray WOWing the studio audience with my sculpture, “Narcissivision”.

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