LET ME CALL YOU SWEETHEART?

718_liberace.jpgFrom the newsletter archives-

July 18, 2006

Dear Sweetheart,

Lately the world seems tainted with an unhealthy emotional hue. Something crazy has gone retrograde it seems. I have heard from millions of people that everyone they know, selves included, have been struggling with the daily emonuclear fallout and it is grinding them down. Me too. But today Liberace spoke to me from an album cover on a table, in a hallway, in this world, and said, “Let me call you sweetheart” and it hit me. Maybe if we all call each other sweetheart we can break through the nozone layer of gloom. Why me? Why Liberace?

Well, today I had some lovely and well-behaved studio visitors, Frank, Gregory and Tamsen, and as I was showing them around the building we came upon a stack of albums for sale for a dollar on the 2nd floor. I had last picked up that so special Herb Alpert whipped cream album in this spot but on this trip I saw Liberace! My lovely, well-behaved visitors led me to the album as I never go upstairs otherwise.

So I grabbed it and put my dollar in the coffee can. It wasn’t quite like when I discovered Benign Girl but I did immediately feel Liberace tugging at my sleeve with an important message and there it was, the name of the album. My second thought was that Liberace would be the perfect companion for Benign Girl, in a twisted way. He could be her fabulous gay shopping buddy.

They could go to the mall and get makeovers and he could advise her on her dressage, “Think more flash and less tramp, honey, Maybe try a different expression or untilt your head”, and the void in her personality would run over with his overabundance of self.


It was so perfect that it called to mind my favorite spam email subject line this week, “Surplus Predestination”. (Although, “Stop Puglifying” was rather brilliant and is also apropos here). Obsessing over such things seems so much more sane than the current state of the world. It makes me want to call everyone, “Sweetheart”. I guess I can if I want. What if everyone called everyone they met today, “Sweetheart”. I might not try it.

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